Today, I buried myself in my kiddos. We were constantly busy all day. I thought a lot about my baby girl today. Addison would have been 10 months old yesterday. With her birth and death day right around the corner, there are so many emotions running through me, especially since we are due with Hannah 2 weeks before her death day (roughly). I find myself constantly running to God for strength and He is always faithful to give it with an amazing peace. I stumbled upon a journal entry from Feb. 2012, just a few months before the doctors dropped the bomb last year. It's amazing how God was preparing me and I didn't realize it at the time. It was about examining our relationship with God and our commitment to Him. We are challenged to give our lives to God. In our walk with God there is always a challenge, a time of testing, usually following a high point. It is in those moments that we see what we're really made of. It's so easy to say "Not what I will, but what You will" (Mark 14:36) when things are going great. God says in the midst of this testing, "I am here. It is far bigger than you can see at this moment. Just hang on." What blows my mind is that this is before we knew anything was wrong with Addison. And you know what, He was there and He still is. I'm reminded everyday with my 3 little rascals and this little one kicking like crazy as her day is fast approaching that God takes away but God gives. Abundantly and exceeding gives us such wonderful gifts and is always there to carry us through the days when we're worn, even before the day begins. I miss my Addison and I will always have my bad days, but I know that she is not hurting or in pain. And one day I will see her again. All for now.